Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Sibling equality?

Here's something I've been putting some thought into lately - is it necessary to give each child the same thing everytime. That didn't make as much sense as I'd hoped but I'll try and explain.

Whenever I buy something for Joey I always try and buy something similar for Alex BUT half the time Alex isn't really interested. So, why do I bother?

Because I'd feel guilty and think I was showing favouritism if I didn't.

Here's an example:

Times had changed between pregnancies and video wasn't an option with Joey but I could have had a video of Alex - yet I said no. Why is that? Because I didn't have a video of Joey and I didn't think it would be fair.

Really do you think Alex would care? Hmm, probably not, but that's my frame of thinking. Looking back it would have been awesome to have the in utero baby video...

The same goes with birthday parties and birthday gifts...unfortunately for Alex he wasn't ready for a big boy bike the same year that Joey was and it collected dust for awhile. I still feel guilty about that - even though we bought him a scooter when we realized our faux-pas.

So, moms and dads out there, what do you think?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Everything I've read, heard and had preached to me:

Listen to the child/ren and not the guilt of parenting. Stop trying to put your own childhood feelings onto them. They're not you. Their experiences are not yours. Their social life/society is not what you lived.

You cannot live your life through them. You cannot live your guilt through them.

All you can do as a good parent is to simply listen to the child and who they are.

Listening is the best gift any parent can give - especially if you understand who they are and what you give is something they will appreciate.

I hope this helps!

Cheers :D

Virginia

Jenn said...

I don't even have kids but had a conversation about doing things equally for kids. Darryl comes from a family where kids get the same thing for their birthdays, I don't and don't remember being upset. I think it even becomes harder when your kids get older and go through different experiences, how do you treat that?

No wise advice, just to let you know I think it's life challenges.

Jenn

Jenn said...

That should have said, I don't yet have two kids.... of course I have one....

Jenn

Tracy said...

I am going by what my Mom taught me...."you don't do for one what you can't do for all." I have two other siblings (I am the oldest) and if I got something, we all got something. My parents always wanted to be fair and not show favortism to any of us. It worked well for us. We all felt equal. I don't have children, but if I did I believe I would want to do the same thing for all. (Thank Goodness I was a scrapbooker prior to any children being born)! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Growing up Hike alli and I never got a lot of the same things because we all had totally different interests, and when I get my nephews gifts I try to get them things that suite their personalaties - Nathan loves books where as Zach would not appreciate it at all, and Zach loves super heros, where Nathan is a lot less obsessed. I guess it depends on the individual and his/her stage in life, but I can definatly see your dilema!!

Allie said...

You know, I am not sure if there is a right or wrong answer. I am in the same kind of boat except I find that both my husband and I buy stuff for my son all of the time and that my daughter misses out. I feel guilty about it and end up buying stupid useless stuff while my hubby tells me that she is only a baby and doesn't think anything of it. I try really hard to ensure that things like pictures, videos etc remain on an equal (such as six months, one year, you know, the milestones) as that is a long running joke in my family about how I have all of the pictures being the first born and my sister has next to none. I think that as long as you love your children unconditionally for the little people they are, that you will win in the big picture.

sari said...

We don't buy the same things for our kids because they're 3-1/2 years apart (and now the baby).

The only time we do the same thing was when we got gameboys - I couldn't buy one for one son and not the other so we waited until the youngest was old enough for one.

Tracy DeLuca said...

With the boys being so close in age it is easy just getting them both the same thing or similar things. My DD is so much oldert that it is not really an issue. She knows that the younger ones get toys. She gets books or movies, etc when I can afford it. The older theya re the more expensive their "toys" become. I try to get them all something at the same time. But, I am age appropriate and interest appropriate if that makes sense!